When it comes to change-On a mission

By Helen

Change is often painted as something we should embrace like a choice, a mindset or a growth opportunity. But like for many of us (I mean I hope it’s not just me), I have found the most defining changes in my life weren’t the ones I would have chosen. They’re the ones that arrived uninvited, unplanned, and sometimes unwanted.

I would describe myself, sometimes, as the small silver ball which bounces around the pin ball machine of my own life! Change is the lever that batters the ball (me) from left to right at crazy speeds only to then give it a final slap back into the game when it (I) thought that finally everything had settled down. Whilst this may sound like an aggressive and rather negative outlook on my life; actually, if I’m completely honest, I’m not sure I would have had it any other way.

I joined the RAF when I had just turned 21 years old. During my teens I had applied to be a pilot but failed the aptitude tests. I was devastated by this. I had never, at that point in my life, failed anything and this was probably my first experience of adapting to change. What was my Plan B?!

I went to university to read Medicine, still with the hope of joining the RAF but as a doctor rather than a pilot. However, I knew deep down that I could never shake the feeling that this wasn’t my real passion. I knew that something was going to have to change! So, it was very fortunate for me that I have incredibly long arms. My lengthy limbs meant that I met the anthropometric requirements to start flying the Elementary Flying Training syllabus, which unfortunately many of my female counterparts that intake did not. The rest is history!

During my nearly 24 years of flying fast jets in the RAF I’ve lived most of my life in environments where change wasn’t just common it was constant. In the cockpit, change comes at you fast: weather shifts, systems fail, missions evolve, and you adapt because you must. First on the Tornado F3 and then in 2009 transferring to become the first female Eurofighter Typhoon pilot.

I have been very fortunate to fly on exercises around the globe, fly on operations to free Libya and been a Qualified Flying Instructor on the Typhoon. These amazing experiences have an impact on you as a person and on your personal life too. Change doesn’t hang up its boots when you clock off for the night! Outside the cockpit, life has a way of throwing its own unexpected variables at you. These changes can be the hardest to rationalise and yet, somehow, you need to just keep going!

Unfortunately, unlike in the cockpit, change isn’t announced by a warning light or caption. It sometimes just appears and pulls the rug from under your feet. This is when you need to be resilient; you need to be moveable but not breakable. You can’t control life, but you can control how you respond and this then affects the outcome of whether you cruise or crash land!

I have had 2 very personal experiences of adapting to change which I would like to share with you. The first tests you in ways no cockpit ever could; becoming a parent.

In my 30s I was flying (excuse the pun). I was thriving on Typhoon, gaining new qualifications and responsibilities and my home life was amazing; I felt 100% in control. Until we decided to start a family. Obviously, this would come easy; why wouldn’t it? I am at the top of my game! Well, it turns out it didn’t. Every single month of failure and after every miscarriage I began to feel the sinking feeling of unwanted change creep into my life; that of a life without children. After 8 years of trying we decided to give IVF a shot. The first round failed. This was huge and shook me to the core.  The second, however, was successful and we welcomed a beautiful baby girl!

But that wasn’t the end of the turbulence! Crikey, then I had a baby! I wasn’t just a fighter pilot anymore (which turns out was the easy bit) I was also a mother. I found I had to navigate both identities; I wasn’t perfect, nor graceful but coming back to flying after a year’s maternity leave is the achievement, I am without doubt most proud of!

The second experience of having change thrust upon me was in 2021, when I was medically discharged from the RAF. It was a huge shock – I had been a fighter pilot for almost 24 years, and it had (unbeknownst to me) become who I was – it had become my identity. I was Helen, the fighter pilot! I was cool, fierce and invincible…and now I wasn’t anymore. I realise that my ego had taken a huge knock and it put me into a bit of a dark place. I had to mourn the loss of that awesome career and my former self.

But just like you would allow yourself time, following the death of a loved one, to mourn you should also be kind to yourself and afford yourself the same time to come to terms with change, especially after something that has been such a large part of your life is now gone.

Being adaptable and flexible doesn’t mean you have to do it over night. Like I said earlier, the key to resilience is being moveable but not breakable. Give yourself time to reflect, assess and then make decisions. I didn’t panic, I started to think about the person who I was going to become, rather than the person I had been. I managed to think clearly, once the shock had passed, which allowed me to strip emotion and assumption back so that I could see the truth; what I could control and what I couldn’t.

And excitingly, this led to starting ‘On A Mission’ with Rosie. Whilst I am not flying anymore, I have the privilege of speaking to all sorts of brilliant people about our experiences, which are quite unique – we were, after all, one of only a handful of female fast jet crews to have flown together in the world. Having a wingman through periods of change is invaluable. They have your back, can spot threats which you don’t know exist and can be that sounding board for your fears and ideas without prejudice nor judgement.

So, what I have learnt is that change doesn’t define you, it just shapes you. Change has taught me that strength isn’t about controlling everything, it’s just about staying open when everything changes around you.